Fan Fiction - A Review

Oh, how we love our Star Trek. And nothing helps us revel in it quite like a cast member writing a tell-all book about what it was like being on the set. But in this interesting twist of a book, Brent Spiner writes something radically different. As a forward, he tells the truth about his life as an actor leading up to being cast as Data on Star Trek: The Next Generation, but after that, he departs from truth, telling a fictional tale. The fiction has real-life names, the protagonist is still named Brent Spiner, the cast members of ST:TNG are all the same people, and the people on the studio set are also likely named the same. But beyond that, it takes radical departures. Spiner calls it a "mem-noir."

"I'm not sure any of it is true," Brent teases us. "Possibly in a parallel universe."

Fan Fiction tells the story of something many actors can relate to - getting harassed by a stalker. But in Brent's fictional tale, the stalker is not sexually obsessed or simply star-struck. No, this stalker believes herself to be Data's daughter, Lol, as depicted in the TNG episode, "The Offspring," and bluntly states that she will kill him. She addresses her stalker letters to Spiner as "Dear Daddy," and sends Brent grizzly artifacts to make her death threats more impactful. Items like a boxed-up pig's penis, a razor blade, and a bullet all drive Brent to near-panic.

At the same time, another stalker is sending him letters that seem to indicate that she is having an affair with him. "I couldn't believe the things you said to me over the phone last night," one of the letters says. In a different letter, she confesses to wanting to leave her husband and run away with Spiner. Of course, Brent knows he's not in communication with her, but he is so obsessed with the death-threat stalker who calls herself "Lol" that he frustratingly never pauses to think that maybe someone else might be impersonating him.

Along the way we are treated to lots of little tidbits which are utterly believable. We learn how close Brent was (and is) to Jonathan Frakes, who lets him crash at his place after a particularly harrowing night. We learn of how much he hates putting on and taking off his silvery make-up every single day. We see how wonderful Marina Sirtis is, and how much LeVar Burton (or "Burt" as he's sometimes known) is in tune with the cosmos with his crystals, burning sage, and meditation.

We also get to listen in on Brent's make-up sessions sitting next to Michael Dorn, whom he absolutely loved trolling, and how Michael would angrily growl back insults at Brent. Like, for example, when Brent once landed a subtle insult on Michael, and Michael, while reading the crossword puzzle while getting his make-up done (as he always did) responded with, "What's an eight-letter word for 'garrotte?'" To which Brent replies, "I don't know. Strangle?" Only then does he look over at Michael, whose threatening look let Brent know his exact meaning.

The text version of the book is fun enough, but if you are lucky enough to find a copy of the Audiobook version, you're in for a special treat. Brent Spiner narrates the book himself. When Brent quotes Jonathan Frakes, it's actually Frakes' voice you hear! The same holds true for Marina Sirtis, Gates McFadden, LeVar Burton, and Patrick Stewart. The only voices which are not celebrity cast are Gene Roddenberry and Majel Barrett, since they passed away. There's even sound effects and background music.

Brent collaborated with Jeanne Darst to write the book. Brent also admitted to having lunch with Michael Chabon (author of Wonder Boys and The Yiddish Policeman's Union) in Wired Magazine's podcast, Geek's Guide to the Galaxy, with whom he discussed aspects of his book. I can't speak to Durst's writing style, but there are areas where Brent writes with a very Chabon-esque style, especially in the beginning, where there are so many zingy one-liners and outstanding descriptions that the reader gets hooked. Towards the end, those zingers go away almost entirely, which is disappointing, but you enjoyed the book anyway, just as you might if you'd had a good meal where you got served the desert first, and served a salad at the end.

There are subtle Hollywood insults which leave the reader wondering just how much truth there is to things. For example, Brent turns to an ex-girlfriend for comfort when his stalker situation begins to get serious, and in a moment of weakness, asks her to "tell me something intimate I don't know about you." Her response is memorable: "Well, I dated James Woods once, but he dumped me when he discovered I was over eighteen."

Wait, what?

The trials of being a celebrity that Brent depicts are utterly believable. Once, while getting a pizza delivered one night, Brent discovers the delivery boy trying to take a tile off of his roof as a souvenir. On another occasion, while leaving a funeral, people shoved church programs from the funeral at him to sign, and he ends up doing so, not because he doesn't know it's inappropriate, but because he's too mentally exhausted to fight about it. On yet another occasion, he gets pulled over by a police officer while high on Quaayludes, and gets out of it because the officer turns out to be a Next Gen fan. We believe these things because they seem to be exactly the sorts of things one would expect a Hollywood celebrity to encounter. They have the ring of truth.

Other things don't have the ring of truth at all. The FBI agent who is investigating the case just happens to have a twin sister who becomes his bodyguard. (*Head slap!*) A gopher from the set gets caught by Spiner not only reading his fan mail, but then confesses to reading everybody's mail, plus having a side-hustle so unbelievable that one can't help but think the little shit should be fired on the spot. And a police officer who specializes in "obsessives," is such an odd duck that one can't help but find the character contrived. One can easily believe a Hollywood-area P.D. would have such specialists, but this particular one actually tries to pitch a script for Star Trek while investigating Brent's case - and succeeds!

And then there's the ending. No spoilers, but it's deus ex machina, magnum cum laude.

In all, this is a pretty good effort for a first-time novel-slash-memoir. It capitalizes on the love all Trekkies have for their favorite people and characters, and is a fun romp for fans and non-fans alike (although I expect non-fans will not be so interested). It has just enough truth to keep one intrigued, and just enough fiction to make things zany.

I can't recommend this book enough (especially the Audiobook version), and I expect it to receive a Hugo nomination in 2022.

Eric

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